I turned 54 last weekend. I had to sit and let that sink in a bit. This means my mom will be 74 this year. My dad will be 80. I’ve survived a marriage, a divorce, and another marriage. I’ve survived the birth of three children and the loss of two pregnancies. I’ve been without grandparents for more than 20 years. I have two brothers who are both now over 50, as well. How did we get so danged old?

With age comes a form of maturity. I still feel young, but now don’t put up with as much crap as I used to. I like that part. It actually makes life a little easier for me.

But one thing I can do without is the fact that apparently, I have gone into menopause. I joined the White Pants Club seven years ago (hysterectomy), but menopause was still to come. And it has finally decided to make its visit. I want to hope that it won’t stay long, but as with all things we don’t like, it has already worn out its welcome. I’ve always had some midnight sleeplessness, for which I take medication, but now the mild night sweats have turned into a sweatbath. The hot flashes during the day come on me so fast I don’t know what hit me. I get a warm feeling in my chest, and suddenly, it’s in my neck, down my back, and my head is so hot I feel like anyone looking at me will so those wiggly heat marks like you see in the heat of the desert. Just to make it more fun, my face turns nice and red.

It seems like such a cruel trick. As women, we go through a lot. We start with menstrual cycles when we hit puberty, which for me was about 12 years old. We suffer through a teenagehood of raging hormones without the maturity to know what to do with them. Then we have kids, and sweat our way through childbirth and hormonal crashes both during and after pregnancy. Pregnancy itself changes our bodies forever. We gain flab and stretch marks, perky boobs are a distant memory, and we sleep less and less as we get older. And just when we get used to all of that, wham! Menopause!

The science lover in me wants to know what the purpose of menopause is. These symptoms – hot flashes, less sleep, dry skin, sexual dysfunction for some, and the cranky side effects of it all – there has to be some purpose for all of this. I just can’t figure out what it is. Seems like a terrible, terrible joke. A prank Mother Nature plays on us. And I’m not finding it funny. It is not funny at all.

Of course I’ve asked my sister-friends how it has been for them. One of my friends has been having hot flashes for more than 10 years. She is a couple years older than me. Some of my friends who are a bit younger are already tired of the meno, and feeling hopeless.

This doesn’t give me much faith in the idea that it will pass quickly. You would think modern medicine would have figured this out by now.

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