Old Patterns and Old Friends
Today, Christmas Eve, I got my annual letter from an old college friend. She is from Iowa, although she’s now a transplant to Texas, and we both attended college at Northeast Missouri State, now called Truman State University. She was in her first year, and I was in my second, having transferred from University of Missouri. We were both in band, although I can’t remember now what instrument she played. Being in band meant we were on campus a week earlier than everyone else, because we had daily practices to get ready for football season. Sharon and I had a blast making fun of the players, eating like our moms weren’t watching (because they weren’t), and making all kinds of plans.
Sharon’s college plans ended that year, as she went off and got married. I stayed on but didn’t graduate until I was in my 30’s, after taking a hiatus from school to have my own family.
Anyway, For the last 32 years, she and I have exchanged cards at Christmas, usually with a letter enclosed. The letter is general, sort of a “here’s what we did this year” letter. I don’t know how many she sends out, but I send out only three these days. And oddly enough, all three are college friends.
When I got Sharon’s letter it reminded me how different our paths ended up. We started in the same place – band camp – but ended up so very differently. I have worked full time since I left college all those years ago, and have raised my kids around my work obligations. Sharon has gotten to be the homemaker I never got to be. She has time to volunteer, and spends much of her time caring for her adult special-needs son. Her adult daughter is married with a little boy. Me? I have one grown kid, but no grandkids, and one half-grown kid, and one long-way-from-grown kid. Sharon is still on her first marriage, and probably will make that one last. I’m on my second marriage. Sharon has stayed close to her church and stayed active in it; I’m no longer a church-goer and don’t claim an affiliation with any church.
I wonder, when I think about Sharon, and my other two college friends, whether we have ended up where we thought we would. As a mom to special needs kids myself, I know I never expected some of what I’ve dealt with. Sharon’s challenges are much deeper, much more life-long than mine ever will be. Did it ever occur to her that she would be living the life she is living now? And me…did I think I’d be doing what I am doing (working with disabled students at the college level) all those years ago when I couldn’t figure out what my major was? If I’d known this was where I was going to end up, would I have done something differently?
Truth is, who we are, the lives we live, are a direct result of our choices, what we learned (0r didn’t), where we put our energy, the decisions we made to go here, or there, to do this, or that. There may be regrets; I would be dishonest to say I don’t have any. But I have also had some marvelous successes, and much to be thankful and grateful for. I’m sure Sharon feels the same.
I read her letter today, with the newsy tidbits, and I wonder, does she read my letters with the same joy, look forward to them with the same anticipation as I do? I have not received letters from my other two friends yet, but we moved earlier this year and our address change didn’t get to everyone in time for Christmas cards. But I am looking forward to them the way I always have.
Old habits, I suppose, die hard. 
Merry Christmas, to old friends and new, and to those I haven’t even met. My best wishes for a blessed and happy 2013. Boy, it’s hard to write that year. Hard to believe. 1980 was a very good year…it was the year I met Sharon!
