I’ve been saying I couldn’t find anything about Colorado that wasn’t better than Missouri, but yesterday, I found something.

That is, except for frozen custard, which is done much better in St. Louis by Ted Drewes.  But I digress.

I need to get my Colorado Driver’s license in order to go full time at work.  Initially I was told they couldn’t offer me full time work with benefits for six months, but after the first week I was there, they were in a very big hurry to get me on full time.  But in Colorado I had to either be resident for 90 days, or I had to have a job in Colorado in order to get a state ID.  “Gainfully employed,” as they put it.  Sort of a Catch 22…but I waited for my first paycheck so I had proof of being gainfully employed, took off from work an hour early on Friday, and headed to the office in my town.

Now some of you might know that I have infinite patience for some things, and a complete impatience for others, and visits to the DMV fall into that second category.  I detest waiting in line.  For anything.  But especially for a state or federally mandated reason.  Based on my experiences in Missouri, I’m thinking, 20 minutes, a half-hour maybe at the MOST.  The biggest worry on my mind when I pulled into an empty parking space right in front of the building was whether or not I had all of my documentation per the requirements.  I had my bill from Qwest (Internet) for proof of address, my birth certificate, my Missouri-issued license, my Social Security Card, and my work ID.

I walked in the door right into the back of someone else waiting in line.  The 60 or so chairs in the room were completely full, and there were two lines of people around the edge of the room.  There were several people sitting in groups on the floor. The number counter on the wall said “36” and I pulled out number “196.”  There were easily 150 people in the room.

Holy Hell.

It was 3:45.  The office closed at 5:00.  There was no way all of these people were going to get through before then.  Oddly enough, people didn’t seem to be all that concerned.  They chit-chatted, they played on their smart phones, they read books.  There was much commiserating between those standing in line about why they were there.  The clerks appeared to be friendly and didn’t act like they were harried, worried, or otherwise distressed.

I couldn’t do anything but go with the flow…and waited and waited and waited.  I walked out with my new temporary Colorado State Driver’s license (no picture) at 5:45 (they mail you your ID in 4-6 weeks).  The last thing said to me by the clerk who took my picture?  “Welcome to Colorado!” And he was genuinely smiling.

This is probably one of the weirdest experiences I’ve had in a while.  But I can tell you this, Missouri does it faster.  Much faster.  But definitely not nicer.  The clerks were completely friendly, and when I asked questions, answered cheerfully and completely.  She even apologized for the wait and explained why it was the way it was.  In 2000, Colorado had gone to a ten-year license.  Then in 2005, the law was changed to a five-year license.  In the years between 2000 and 2005, the offices were getting less and less busy, and many of them were shut down for lack of use. Suddenly, in 2010, when everyone who had a 10 year license from 2000 and those who had a 5 year license from 2005 needed to renew, the offices got crazy busy and it’s been that way ever since.  It will ease up again in a few years, maybe.  However, the state has also instituted online renewals, which should make the next time much much easier for me!

And as a p.s., you know that if I was standing there for that long, I was doing an awful lot of people-watching.  And to the 20-year-old with the Hitler mustache, half of your hair blond and swooping long over the right side of your head, and cropped short and black on the other…that’s just not a good look for you.  Just sayin’.

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