Advice for Young Ladies
I have some serious advice for young ladies. And even older ladies. This advice is something I had to learn the hard way, and lots of others are having to learn the hard way. We are raised oftentimes to be trusting, to be deferential to the men in our lives, and to be dependent. We take these lessons to heart, but this can be to our detriment. I would hazard to say that most men we encounter in our lives are not quite trustworthy, and a big dose of skepticism and street smarts are going to be required to keep your assets and your heart safe. Your heart will mend if broken, but ruined finances can keep you down for a VERY long time. These lessons apply if you are married or just in a long-term relationship.
First of all, don’t ever believe everything your man says. I don’t care how sweet the promises are, how wonderful it all sounds, do not believe it all. Keep a bit of skepticism there. If you don’t over-anticipate, and over-hope, you won’t be so easily disappointed when that promise doesn’t materialize. This doesn’t mean men are bad or evil. It means men oftentimes overestimate themselves. They don’t mean to make a promise they can’t keep. They just exaggerate their potential. It’s a man thing. If they come through on the promise, and more, then you can be thrilled and respond and reward accordingly. But until then, keep your hopes reasonable, and your “yeah, right” meter handy.
Second, do not ever pin your financial or personal goals onto your man. Remember you are your own human unit, and your ultimate happiness and success depends completely on you. Independence and some selfishness are not negative personality traits. They are survival traits. When you pin your success on the success of your man, you are giving up your rights and your responsibilities. Work towards your own goals and your own ability to be independent. Men are flaky and unreliable (see point 1 above) and you don’t want to be standing there in 20 years wondering what happened and why you aren’t where you wanted to be. Work hard, get an education, set your goals and make them happen. A good man will be proud of you and love you all the more for being true to your goals and being able to take care of yourself.
Third, do not ever give a man access to your money. Not for any reason should you do this. Do not put him on your bank account, don’t give him a credit card or debit card for your account or that is in your name. This does not mean there should not be a joint paying of bills or a responsibility for joint obligations like rent or insurance etc. There should be joint responsibility for this. But divide what needs to be paid, and pay your part out of your own account that is in your own name. If you want to have someone on your account as a backup, use a trusted family member or friend. Do not give this access to your man. If the relationship goes south, he can clean you out in a heartbeat, and you will have nothing left because you trusted him with access to your money. Do not make this mistake; it will take years to recover.
There is more advice, but these, for me, are the three biggies. You have to protect yourself. You are the only one who can do that.
