Growing Pains
Had to talk the Perfect Child down off the independent ledge last night. Not that I’m really in the habit of doing that, but sometimes, you just need to talk some straight sense into a mind wrapped in romance and fantasy.
She’s a great kid, and there’s not a whole lot I’d change about her. But once in a while, she gets hooked on the idea of living on her own, paying her own bills, doing her own thing. When she starts talking like this, I remind her that she cannot afford to live on her own yet, and she needs to see the long term goals she has to fruition while she still has mom’s financial support, such as it is.
She has done some checking around, and has realized that without being on mom’s insurance, her $70-a-month payment would end up being $200-300 a month, more than a week’s salary for her. Then I reminded her that I pay for her health insurance, which she can’t get through her jobs. And reminded her that her cell phone would cost another $100 a month. And she wants to buy a car, with payments, so there goes another $300 or so a month. Financially? She can’t do it.
Right now she pays us about $100 a month; part of that is her car insurance, the other part is her cell phone costs. Pretty easy living. Mom buys the food, pays the rent, keeps the cable on, and takes care of the doctor. It’s hard to see how much it will cost to live on your own, until you actually do it. I know. I was there once.
“I don’t want to still be living at home when I’m 27.” Silly child. She’s barely 18 now. She’s a loooooong way from living in Mom’s basement for her spinster life. I did ask her about what bothered her so much, why she didn’t feel “independent” enough here. We let her come and go pretty much as she pleases; she does pick up her sister from school every day and watch her until we get home an hour or so later, but other than that, she has pretty good freedom. I don’t monitor her facebook, cell phone, or where she goes in her car. She has pretty good sense and I trust her judgment most of the time. I don’t mind if she goes out with her friends, stays out late with her boyfriend, etc. She said she doesn’t like having to be quiet, and having to be home at a certain time. I reminded her that she has never woken me coming in late (or getting up early to go to work) and that her ability to stay out late had everything to do with her job (she has to be at work by 5:45 a.m. every day) and not so much with me.
I’m trying hard to remember what it was like for me at her age. I was not a night owl, didn’t go hang out with my friends often. I did go away to college when I was 19, and lived in a dorm. I also didn’t have a boyfriend. That came much much later. I was comfortable in my parents’ house, as far as I can remember. I did chores and ran errands for my mom, I do remember that. But I don’t remember feeling like I needed to get out. I suppose I did, I just don’t remember it.
Ah well. She’ll be fine. She was just having a bit of a crisis yesterday. These days, with her two jobs, she’s tired, and that doesn’t help. It’s hard to see clearly when you’re tired.
