It depends (as you’re posited) on your population. I learned to use the word dyke to mean purposefully masculine lesbians FROM PURPOSEFULLY MASCULINE LESBIANS. I had a LOT of gay friends at uni but also from grammar school (where I regularly physically defended them and sometimes it only took words). I hate bullies. Can’t abide them.

It was much to my shock that I not only offended but apparently did permanent damage with a couple of coworkers who are lesbian, some years ago. When talking about a purposefully masculine lesbian (as you say, as a descriptor, not pejoratively), somebody was mentioned and I said something like, ‘You mean the dyke waitress at Denny’s?’

I mean, to ME, she was best identified as that. Nobody was going to miss that she was THAT LADY.

People at work (who are lesbian) still hate me for that. It’s ridiculous. At the time, they of course unloaded on me. My surprised response was, ‘Erm…my friends like her would NOT want to be called merely lesbian–they’ll tell you to call them dykes.’

Never flew. I stopped using the word but as I said, I’m still seen as the lesbian-hater at work, which is amusing since my non-hatred of homosexuals means that in a few other circles, people think I AM LESBIAN (and I’m not). You can’t win.

I made the change to using the term dyke because the university-centered lifestyle pushed it at the time. I honestly don’t know what’s what. It’s hard to keep track with what somebody wants to be called. Saying ‘purposefully masculine lesbian’ is ridiculous, too, I realize! But if you’re referring to the 20-some brown-haired women serving at Denny’s and only one obviously stands out?

All I know is I’m apparently always wrong! It’s just dumb how I’m seen as homophobic here and everybody thinks I’m gay in Columbus because I don’t give a crap who you love. ::rolls eyes::

I can see where somebody would say, ‘but sexuality is so personal!’ I think most of it is; as you say, you may have ‘taken back’ fat but I have a friend who was deeply hurt by a toddler who referred to her as the fat lady one day in church. A toddler certainly did not mean harm, she was describing what she saw but it really, really hurt my friend.